Healing From Betrayal and Developing Healthy Intimacy
Humans need relationships. From infancy, we learn to depend on others for our wellbeing. As we grow we become more independent, however even as adults we need relationships to create a strong sense of self and a secure base we can fall back on when bad things happen. According to Dr. Freyd, “Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person’s trust or well-being” (2008).
Emotional Connection
Emotional connection is a form of vulnerability and intimacy that couples need to have in order to maintain healthy and secure attachments. It is more than saying “I love you” or having consensual sexual relations with your partner, but it is allowing your partner to see and be present with you in all forms of emotion, including ones that require vulnerability, such as pain, sadness, shame, loneliness, or fear. These emotions can come from our personal triggers, unresolved past experiences, or attachment needs not being met. However, sharing and understanding one’s emotions can be difficult and does not come easily for everyone.
Want To Know the Secret to a Happy Marriage?
Surprisingly, the answer ISN’T a lack of conflict between a couple. Whether it’s about not having enough sex, the dirty laundry, or spending too much money, conflict is inevitable in every marriage. Happiness lies in the “positive affect” a couple has during the conflict. So what does that mean?