How to Free Ourselves from the Inner Critic

Who has not been blindsided by their inner critic? 

You know, it's that demeaning, degrading voice inside our head that discourages, deflates, and depresses us, making us feel inadequate. Here are some tools for responding to this unpleasant experience. We can reduce the impact and bothersome nature of this critical voice.

Let's get started.

Sometimes, we recognize the voice by our physical response where we may notice our breathing increase or our body warming or similar 'panic responses.' 

Can we make room to acknowledge this as a painful part of our mind that is causing us to suffer?

What would happen if we could examine and reflect on this experience without judgment and merely notice the critic objectively similar to other 'interference' in our life?

Remember, this inner critic is our inner critic; therefore, it is intimately familiar with us, with the potential of dredging up all harmful stories from years past. This exploration could include those disappointed with our supposed mistakes, actions, and behavior. Feeling vulnerable, it is no wonder why we so readily accept and believe this voice?

The critic benefits from 20/20 hindsight and without context; in other words, it does not appreciate the nuances of our choices, perhaps under duress or other poignant facts that contributed to 'poor' choices under those circumstances. 

Have you noticed that the critic takes multiple sides and roles as 'all knowing'? Is that why we are so ready to accept and believe it?

Here's an exercise to challenge this reality:

1 - Choose a judgment ('I'm disorganized,' 'I'm incapable,' etc.)

2 - Ask, 'is it really true?'

3 - Can you absolutely know it's true? How? What happened when you believed that thought?

4 - Who or how would you be without that belief or thought?

If the critic's presence is so painful and pervasive, why do we maintain it? Why give it power?

We can change our response to it.

What would happen if we went beneath the judgment and allowed ourselves to welcome the pain, the discomfort that the critic exploits? We could intercept the judgment from forming or at least lessen its impact.

Merely noticing the actual situation (pain, regret, loss, mistake, etc.) could disengage the critic/judgment from developing and taking over. This awareness could be liberating with something like, "It's just a bunch of thoughts or words that I happen to take in as reality; it's only as real as we make of it.” 

We then are creating more space for the inner critic to take over, making it more challenging to consume the canvas of our emotional landscape.

Here are other strategies for the arrival of the inner critic judging us.

• Observe with mindfulness: name the judging thoughts, stay on the surface watching with awareness

• Feeling the pain of the judgment: shift attention from the judgment to the painful experience, with care and attention

• Speaking your truth: 'ouch, that hurts!'

• Humor or sarcasm: "Wow, I never knew that that's all you got?"

• Exaggeration: 'yes, I am the worst...'

• Disinterest: 'oh really, what a surprise, anything else to add?'

• Challenging: 'who are you to judge?!'

• Fierceness: 'enough, stop!'

• Replacing judgments with neutral statements in response:' the sky is blue.'

• Loving-kindness: 'may I be happy and at peace

• Compassion: care for the vulnerability and pain that triggers the critic.'

• Do not take this voice seriously: it is just a thought, as if a recommendation by someone we may not even know. It is okay to decline. 'No, thank you, I'm not interested.'

• Personifying the critic: is this a familiar voice you could directly respond to, such as a parent, coach, or teacher? "No one invited you, Joey; go back and sit down!"

The role of our self-acceptance, forgiveness, self-compassion can be an effective antidote to the inner critic.

Be well and patient on this journey.

References: With gratitude, I acknowledge my teacher Mark Coleman, author, teacher, psychotherapist, for his insightful and humorous offerings in how we can better respond to the inner critic in all of us.

For more information, please visit www.markcoleman.org.