Let It Go: Becoming Un-Frozen

I have been fascinated about the popularity of Disney’s new movie Frozen. What has led to its unprecedented success? Although the music, animation, and humor are excellent (and watching nieces and nephews sing along is priceless), I believe the core message of the film is what has resonated with so many people: Let it Go!One of the most common phrases I hear from my clients is some variation of “I’m stuck,” “I don’t know what to do,” or “I am frozen.” This state comes from difficult past experiences or a fear of what may wait for us in the future. Whether it is a past hurt or a fear of something in the future, I have found that there are immense benefits that come from the process of letting go.Distress is not a desirable condition that we aspire to. However, it is present for a reason and is common to being human. Whatever we are feeling, we are feeling and we have an understandable reason for it. However, emotions are not static and we will not feel the current distress for forever (even though it may seem so at times).One of my most fascinating clients came to see me individually, even though she stated that her goal was to improve her marriage. From the first meeting, she said that she knew exactly what she needed to do, but that she just couldn't bring herself to do it: Forgive her husband for the past hurts in their relationship. She said that her bag of resentment was akin to carrying around a bag full of iron anvils. When I asked her why she was still carrying it, she said, jokingly, but with some sincerity, "so I can hit him over the head with it!"She went on to describe that holding onto the heavy bag gave her sense of security and protection from being hurt again (understandable). She also showed fascinating insight in recognizing that if she admitted that she had to let it go, that it would confirm that she had a problem as well (understandable again). This process is common, knowing we need to let go of something, but feeling a sense of loss or vulnerability in doing it. The weight becomes oddly comfortable and we become so accustomed to it that we can’t imagine what it would feel like to walk around without it.When I thought of the process of “letting go,” I only thought about forgiving others of their wrong-doings toward us. Although that does apply, as my client illustrated with her husband, I find that this situation is less common than the weights we impose on ourselves. What we most often need to let go of are our own expectations of ourselves, of others, and the unhelpful dialogue that we persist in. We need to let go of that nagging voice that seems to be helping, but that is actually keeping us trapped. “I am no good” or “there is something wrong with me,” are valiant attempts at an explanation of why we are stuck, but they don’t produce a new situation or solution.We all feel conflicted, stuck, or frozen at some point in our lives. For some, it may be for a relatively short time. For others, it may be a nagging sense of discontent for weeks, months, or even years. Some of my clients even say that there has been a “looming feeling” for as long as they can remember. It may be during a difficult transition in our lives, or it may be difficult to point to the cause. The feeling of being frozen, conflicted, or trapped, is a tangible one, but can lead to unhealthy and possibly not-true narratives that are developed.A lot of people hesitate to ask for help for fear of being or having a problem. Let it go! We all have problems. Therapy is a place where hopefully you can feel love and acceptance, which usually is the best place to start if you want to become unfrozen (another motif illustrated in the Disney film).As a practical, take-away activity, clench your fist right now, as if you are clinging onto something, say, a heavy bag full of iron anvils. Clinch your fist as long as you can (but don’t hurt yourself!). Then, relax your hands and open your palms as you imagine letting it go. Get the sense of the relief that comes. In my observations, the emotional weights can be just as tangible as physical ones (if not more so), and the relief just as real. If you can identify what is causing you distress, I wish you well in letting it go.Maybe watching this clip from the movie or reading the lyrics will give you inspiration to do so:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVVTZgwYwVoThe snow glows white on the mountain tonightNot a footprint to be seenA kingdom of isolation,And it looks like I’m the queen.The wind is howling like this swirling storm insideCouldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I triedDon’t let them in, don’t let them seeBe the good girl you always have to beConceal, don’t feel, don’t let them knowWell, now they knowLet it go, let it goCan’t hold it back anymoreLet it go, let it goTurn away and slam the doorI don’t careWhat they’re going to sayLet the storm rage on,The cold never bothered me anywayIt’s funny how some distanceMakes everything seem smallAnd the fears that once controlled meCan’t get to me at allIt’s time to see what I can doTo test the limits and break throughNo right, no wrong, no rules for meI’m freeLet it go, let it goI am one with the wind and skyLet it go, let it goYou’ll never see me cryHere I standAnd here I'll stayLet the storm rage onMy power flurries through the air into the groundMy soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all aroundAnd one thought crystallizes like an icy blastI’m never going back,The past is in the pastLet it go, let it goAnd I'll rise like the break of dawnLet it go, let it goThat perfect girl is goneHere I standIn the light of dayLet the storm rage on,The cold never bothered me anyway

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