How to Honor Your True Self

A common theme that causes many individuals to seek therapy is not knowing who they are. They often ask about how to honor their true selves after experiencing the normal changes life brings.

The Roles We Play And Our True Self

When changes in your life occur that cause a shift in the “roles” you’ve played, you may be wondering who your true self is. This can happen when your oldest just graduated and now you’ve found yourself with an empty nest or maybe you’ve just had your first child and now your family dynamic has shifted. Other changes that can cause this feeling are the loss of a job or loved one.

Throughout life, we all play many roles and wear many hats. Between our personal, family, social, and professional lives, we use these roles (or hats) to define who we are, what we like, and how we evaluate our self-worth. While the roles we play can offer a sense of security and direction, they are often misunderstood as the definition of who we are and what makes us unique. 

It is important to distinguish that the roles we play DO NOT make us who we are. We are separate beings outside of these roles. When we let the roles we play become our identity, we lose the internal means of guiding our lives.

An Example of Roles Vs. Our True Self

Let’s use the solar system as an example. The sun is the center of our solar system and the planets rotate around with the sun and the gravitational pull as the guide for how the whole system functions. If we remove the sun out of the center, the whole system would fall apart and cease to exist.

When we make the roles we play the center of our system and we have a change in our role, there can be major consequences. Everything we have used to define ourselves no longer functions and feel broken and may fall apart. Emotionally and mentally this feels as though our entire world has changed because of how much power we gave to that role to define us.

Rather, if we understand that we are separate from the roles we play, then we create a system that supports change and makes it easier to go through hard things or big changes in our lives with more acceptance, patience, and hope for the future. Instead of using roles for the center of our identity, we should use values and core beliefs that create a foundation in every other area of our lives that can never crumble nor become life-shattering. 

Help for Finding Your True Self

If you are feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or unsure of how to guide your future, it may be due to overlapping roles and unclear values. It may be time to make an appointment with a therapist to find more balance. The therapists at Wasatch Family Therapy would be honored to help you find your true self on your journey. Schedule your initial appointment today by calling or texting 801.944.4555 or filling out this contact form.

This post was originally written by former Utah Therapist Jordan Meyer, CMHC and has since been updated by the Wasatch Family Therapy Team.