Ask a Therapist: My In-Laws Hate Me (& the feeling is mutual) What Do I Do?
It’s not uncommon for individuals to have difficult relationships with their in-laws. If you in-laws you may be able to relate to feeling like your in-laws hate you. If you can’t relate, congratulations! If you can, keep reading for information from a therapist on what to do when your in-laws hate you.
Ask a Therapist: What Do I Do When My In-Laws Hate Me?
Q: My in-laws hate me and the feeling is mutual. How do I handle the situation without alienating my husband or making him feel torn? We’ve been dealing with it for a couple of years & it’s HARD. Any advice?
Therapist Answer to Question about In-Laws
A: In-law relationships are particularly tricky because you're competing for the same man's attention—your husband/their son. I wish I had a bit more information about your relationship history with them like: When did the relationship become so negative? Did you have a time where you did get along? How do you handle your emotions about this? Are they intentionally mean to you?
If the 3 most important people in his life don't like each other he will feel torn about it.
Here's What You Can Do When Your In-Laws Hate You:
1) Go to counseling to work through your own emotions about your in-laws, explore why you are so stuck in the negative emotions, find ways to become more emotionally neutral about this relationship, and work on what you can do to improve the relationship.
2) Limit the complaints that you share with your husband about his parents. This will help him have some relief from feeling "in the middle". Chronic complaining about his parents will likely wear on your hubby and end up negatively impact your marriage.
3) Come up with a cue word with your husband so you can gently signal him when you really need him to step in and take a stand for you to his parents.4) Decide what kind of daughter-in-law you want to be and then become her no matter how they are behaving.
Taking charge of your own behavior feels better than reacting based on their behavior. Remember that you chose your husband and by doing so you chose his family. Do your best to let the little annoyances slide, pick your battles, and do your best.
Take good care of you and yours!
Family Therapy Near Me
If you and your family need emotional and relationship help, the therapists at Wasatch Family Therapy are here for you. We offer therapy for couples, individuals, and families in Utah. Schedule your appointment by texting or calling 801.944.4555.
