Emotionally Focused Therapy: A Compassionate Approach to Reducing Shame
Shame is a complex and powerful emotion that can have a profound impact on our lives. From the perspective of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), shame is often intricately connected to our sense of self and our relationships with others. In this blog post, our focus will be on understanding how shame arises when we perceive ourselves as different from those in our environment, and how embracing the principles of EFT can help individuals reduce shame and foster a sense of connection.
Shame, as described by Brene Brown in her book, “Daring Greatly,” is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It often arises when we perceive ourselves as fundamentally flawed or different from others. In the context of EFT, shame is seen as a threat to our core attachment needs—the need to feel connected and accepted by others. When we feel different or isolated, shame can take root, affecting our self-esteem and interpersonal relationships.
The Connection to Human Development
To understand the roots of shame, it's necessary to consider human development. From infancy, humans are wired for connection and belonging. As we grow, our sense of self is shaped by the way we relate to others and the feedback we receive from our social environment. When we experience rejection or perceive ourselves as different, it can trigger feelings of shame, hindering our emotional well-being.
Community and the Antidote to Shame
Emotionally Focused Therapy places a strong emphasis on the role of secure attachments and community in mitigating shame. Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, highlights that secure connections provide a safe haven where individuals can express vulnerability without fear of judgment. In the context of reducing shame, building a supportive community becomes crucial.
In "Daring Greatly," Brene Brown explores the concept of vulnerability as the antidote to shame. She states, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” This insight aligns with the principles of EFT, emphasizing the importance of opening up to others and expressing our authentic selves.
Applying EFT Principles
To reduce shame in our lives, EFT encourages individuals to recognize and communicate their needs for connection. This involves developing a deeper understanding of our emotions, especially the vulnerable ones that shame often masks. Through open communication and building secure attachments, individuals can create a supportive network that fosters acceptance and belonging.
Shame is a universal experience, but it doesn't have to define our lives. By embracing the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy we can cultivate connections that serve as a powerful antidote to shame. Remember, vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength that allows us to authentically connect with others, reducing shame and fostering a sense of belonging in our shared human experience.
To schedule with a therapist specializing in EFT, please call 801.944.4555 or email info@wasatchfamilytherapy.com.
