Embracing Radical Acceptance: A Path to Inner Peace
Radical acceptance is both a concept and skill that involves acknowledging and embracing reality as it is, even when the reality is difficult or painful. Radical acceptance is a concept utilized in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as a distress tolerance skill. Understanding and implementing this skill does not mean that we approve of the blunt reality - we may hate it! What it means is that we are willing to lean in to the blunt reality in order to allow ourselves to more quickly and resiliently move on to focus our internal and external resources towards more values-consistent behaviors.
The Power of Letting Go
When many clients I work with learn about the concept of radical acceptance, they often tell me that this concept makes them worry that they will not be able to move on for several reasons, such as being too overwhelmed with their emotions if they accepted the blunt reality to be able to move on. In reality, the skill of radical acceptance supports us in learning how to let go of the struggle against reality.
Mindfulness in Action
Mindfulness is a foundational concept taught in DBT which focuses on observing our internal and external worlds and sensory experiences, describing these worlds and experiences with words (without judgment), and participating in these worlds and sensory experiences fully, allowing ourselves to be present. Radical acceptance in practice is using mindfulness by being actively present with our thoughts, feelings, behaviors/urges, and circumstances (those both within and outside of our control) without judgment. This skill supports us in no longer getting stuck or entangled in the big emotions that may arise with difficult and painful life circumstances.
Self-Compassion as a Companion
Self-compassion, as described by Kristin Neff, PhD, is a combination of self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. While I have already addressed mindfulness briefly in this post, I am going to focus on self-compassion through the lens primarily of self-kindness and common humanity and how these are involved in radical acceptance. Being kind to ourselves (treating ourselves as we would treat others) and common humanity (recognizing that we are human and worthy of compassion and grace, just like others) can be important in challenging situations that are often hard to practice radical acceptance; these skills help to build resilience, the capacity to self regulate and coregulate with others, and liberation from shame.
Freedom in Acceptance
When we stop trying to fight or resist the unchangeable, the blunt reality, we are then able to see what other options or paths are available to us moving forward. We can more readily allow ourselves to digest the emotions that we are experiencing, rather than avoiding or clinging to them. Having the clear option to make a choice to move forward and invite change invites opportunities for us to feel and live differently. This gives us choice and, ultimately, freedom.
Originally posted by Rachel Rose, LMFT on her personal blog. To schedule DBT therapy in Utah with Rachel or any of our therapists in Utah, please call or text 801.944.4555.
