Have you ever wondered as you watch your husband check outyet another Super Bowl what he is truly thinking? Whether you’re even on hissports radar? Whether you even matter to him? Okay maybe that’s a bit harsh. Perhaps its whether you enter his malebrain on a regular basis. As a therapist who has worked with men for 20 years,I can state unequivocally that he is aware of you.  How aware you ask?  Quite aware so much so that this blog postmay be very surprising (and trust building!) to you. 

#1) He Absolutely Loves It When You Notice Him

Really see him.  How handsome he is. How he looks. How much he truly means to you.  How sexy he is in those jeans that fit ‘just right.’ Although he won’t mention this to you, he totally loves it when you notice him. Men absolutely want to believe that they’re super handsome to their wives. Desired completely by you, his wife. Desirable as your wonderful husband.  You can help him believe this by truly noticing him often.

#2) It’s Really NOT All About Sex

Although you may get totally different signals from him,he’s absolutely not thinking about sex 24/7. Just as you’re not emotionally focusedconstantly (gender stereotype!), men simply aren’t focused sexually everymoment of their day. In fact, men actually desire affection almost as much aswomen do.  Men in Utah love to be hugged. Kissed. Touched. And!Men want to cuddle with “no strings attached” in bed. Truly! He isn’t planningon the holding you close leading to sex every time either. Take a risk and askhim if this isn’t correct. But, be ready to be surprised by his answer!

#3) He’s Like A Teenage Female Emotionally Inside!  

Men are awash with emotions inside that they will neveradmit to. He’s actually quite similar to a 16 year old girl. I’m not kidding.Truthfully, he’s often an absolute mess of emotions inside that rugged maleexterior. Since men are raised to not share emotions/feelings, never admitting tothis makes complete sense to him. To be vulnerable or to risk sharing appears“weak” to a man. Not masculine at all! Please know that when it seems like nothingis bothering him, that something very likely is bothering him. You’ll likely find this to be quite exasperating,but know it’s the truth. What can you do?  Please check out the next secret for details.

#4) He Desperately Wants To Talk To You

He definitely wants to talk to you. Connectively. Openly.Frequently. All hours of the day. But! He is totally baffled on how to make thisconnection. Since you’ve likely demanded that he talk to you openly in thepast, throw that idea out with the trash. It just won’t work. You need to maketalking openly safe for him. It’s safe when you’re not demanding or seeminglydramatic. It’s safe when you talk on his terms. His terms may be after the UtahJazz basketball game. His terms could be after a great date night at hisfavorite restaurant. Friday night NOT Saturday morning. Oh and please do somerelationship research here. Actually risk and ask him about this!

#5) He Really Does Desire Compliments From You

Compliments are really different from noticing him as notedabove in #1.  Compliments include tellinghim how awesome he is for doing the dishes (another cool way is just saying “nice”things to him). That he actually remembered to take the trash out today. Forworking so hard for his family to bring home the paycheck each week. And, absolutelydon’t get stuck on the “why doesn’t he compliment me more often” mantra. Pleaseknow that his brain is wired to relish being appreciated by you. It’s not wimpy.It’s not being weak. It’s not even unmanly. It’s truly a marriage connection secretthat can pay you huge dividends in your relationship. Do you want a better,more focused husband? Compliment him! Compliments = LOVE to most men.

#6) He Knows You’re Not Nagging Him  

You definitely know what I’m saying here ladies. When you’veasked him 50 times to clean up after himself. Put away his workout shoes. Liftthe darn seat. Clean up the crumbs left on the kitchen table after an impromptusnack. He then goes to the “stop nagging me” mantra because he totally knowsyou’re right. He absolutely knows thatyou’re right. He just doesn’t have the word vocabulary to battle back with yoursuperior brain. So very true!!!  

#7) He Totally Thinks About You!   

Often. Throughout his day. In the morning as he drives to hiswork office. During his work day and almost always at lunch. Even on hispilgrimage home after a trying work day. Please know that husbands often get sobusy that they just can’t call or text you. Or even get away to have lunch withyou. Even though he would definitely love to be able to do so. But! Know thatyou’re frequently on his mind. Sometimes its about his kids. Or about this Saturday’sdate with you his amazing wife. Just understand that he’s working for you.Thinking of you. Absolutely desiring to be with you.

One More Iconic thought on Seven Connection Secrets

If one of these 7 trustbuilding secrets has hit home with you, why not act on it right away? If you’veheld back on complimenting him in the past, switch it up and compliment him today.If you have believed that he doesn’t want to chat with you, pick the rightmoment this Sunday and simply chat him up. Seriously! Just do it. Be willing toreach out to him and be vulnerable. Truly risk. You’re marriage is definitely worthit. And so are you!!!

Michael Boman, LCSWis a therapist for Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City. He specializes in assistingcouples improve their marriage connection and affection. He is accepting newclients on a limited basis. He can be reached by emailing Info@wasatchfamilytherapy.com

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