Living in the Grey

You are right, they are wrong. They are right, you are wrong. What if I told you both can be right? 

Derived from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), dialectical thinking helps us view issues from multiple perspectives and assign validity to both sides. All or nothing has become a prevalent thought in society, leaving many people feeling there is no room for in-between thoughts. You’re all in or you’re all out, it’s either this or that. But is it really? People often seek therapy when they feel invalidated or stuck because of this black-and-white thinking pattern. Extreme either/or thought processes are rarely helpful. Either I succeed, or I fail; either I’m good, or I’m bad. 

So what can you do to start shifting your thoughts? Consider replacing the words either/or with both/and. You can both succeed and make mistakes, perfection is not required here. You can be a good person and sometimes make unsatisfying choices. You can feel both sad and happy at the same time, you can seek both connection and desire independence in relationships, and you are not a failure if someone else is succeeding. You have permission to experience the full spectrum and live in the grey, it doesn’t always have to be distinct black and white thinking. The same goes for others. I’m right AND they’re right, we both get to live in our own belief systems, feelings, and experiences. We can hold space for different views without letting go of what is important to us.