Five Simple Steps to Keeping Romance Alive
If you are like me, you find “freetime” to be almost a mythical experience. Then trying to create time forromance in your relationship, and it seems like we are living a straightfantasy. However, with today’s fast-paced world and technology every direction,it seems nearly impossible to have a truly romantic relationship. Often when Imeet with couples, I hear, “We are more like roommates than a couple.” Duringmy initial assessment and learning about the couple's daily routine, I findthat these couples are unintentionally avoiding what they want the most –intimacy.
The best remedyfor this lack of intimacy and romance is to make "intentional" timewith each other and make changes that will create and maintain a loving andintimate relationship throughout the lifespan. Here are some of my prescribedremedies for keeping the romance in your relationship.
1- Turn it off. Take the television out ofthe bedroom-this includes turning off the cell-phones. If you are not onbedrest, there is no need to have a T.V. in the bedroom. It takes away timethat could be spent engaging in pillow talk, cuddling, kissing, and makinglove.
2- Go on a date.It is fine to go to the movies now and then but when I say go on a date I meanGO on an intentional date where conversation can be had throughout. Takea long drive through the canyon, go on a picnic in the park or at a garden.Spending time together without a distraction of a movie or comedian allows timeto rebuild intimacy and learn or re-learn about your partner.
3- Hold hands. Stayingclose doesn’t have to be complicated. Touch is such a powerful tool forconnection. Human touch is a basic primal need. We do not outgrow this. Holding hands while watching your favoriteshow, walking around the neighborhood, or waiting for your table at arestaurant can create that closeness without a lot of effort.
4- Don’t forgetto play. Research shows that couples who play together have increasedbonding, communication, conflict resolution, and report overall satisfaction inthe relationship. Play can be somethingspontaneous like a water fight while in the garden or tickle fight while doinghousework, something planned like going bowling, or just sitting down for an old-fashionedgame of cards. So, give yourself permission to get silly and be a kid again.
5- 5-second kiss. How often do you give your partnera quick peck goodbye in the morning or hello after work? Sure, that is nice,but it becomes routine and unpassionate. Holding a kiss for at least 5 secondsgives you that intentional purpose of showing your partner that you lovethem. This doesn’t have to be limited to saying goodbye or hello, you couldengage in the 5-second kiss to say thank you for dinner or helping with thekids or just because you want to kiss.
These “remedies” are not a cure-all for all relationships.Sometimes there is an issue that goes a little deeper, and that issue isimpairing your relationship. In that case, these simple steps aren’t where youneed to start, and you may need to look into talking about it with a trainedprofessional. If you need couples counseling, please call our office at801-944-4555 to make an appointment. We are here to help.