Aiming for Greatness
Why does no one say they were ‘Bob the Blacksmith’ in a past life? I recently was shown a video of a woman claiming to have lived previously as Cleopatra. It got me thinking-why does no one ever claim to be a barber, a farmer, a blacksmith, or a person who swept the streets in a past life? I do not claim to understand the spirituality of the universe, yet, I have a theory about why people believe to be who they were.
Heroes and Greatness
It is incredible how we hold ourselves to the ideals of the heroes we hear about. We want to be the person who stands out- the great person- not the everyday ‘Bob’. I had an opportunity to serve with some of the most capable people in the military, government, and now therapy. My fellow service members talked about and admired the amazing Special Forces Members. When I met members of the Special Forces community, they talked about Division 1 Athletes. When I met a couple of D1 athletes, one talked about how he wanted to be in the military but never got the chance. Local politicians talked about state and national politicians, and state and national politicians talked about the changes they wished they could influence on a local level. Therapists help people heal every day, but they often talk about more educated, more credentialed people in the therapy community, and these people talk about the things they still are confused about. It seems like greatness is a target to hit that is always moving!
The Dangers of ‘Should’
In therapy, when someone says ‘should’ it is often a good indication that there is an expectation set in their mind. ‘I should be better’ or ‘I should look this way’ or ‘I should have more money by now’. I’m curious- who set that standard in place? Was it the individuals themselves? Society? Infants and young children I have met don’t seem to have an ideology around how much they need to have in their bank account. Along the way, families, communities, and cultures teach people expectations. Sometimes these expectations can be healthy but often they are not and can become toxic and even traumatic.
Managing Expectations
Expectations to live like our heroes can be healthy or toxic. Checking in with ourselves and keeping an honest emotional view of the self can lead to the creation of more personally realistic and healthy expectations. Remember- even heroes lead complicated lives. Something tells me Cleopatra had her own emotional struggles to look at, just like Bob the Blacksmith.
How Therapy Can Help
Through therapeutic practices that process trauma, people are encouraged and empowered to decide for themselves where the expectations of their lives can be in relationship to their own morals and beliefs. This process can bring on a myriad of feelings that may take a bit of effort to work through. However, this process may also lead to a more relaxed and more honest way for a person to identify what they prioritize most in life. Working with a licensed therapist who can support this process can deepen and broaden the positive effects.
If you or a loved one are struggling with cultural pressures and expectations, the therapists at Wasatch Family Therapy are ready to stand beside you and support you on your journey. Schedule your initial appointment by texting or calling 801.944.4555 or filling out this form here.
