What Do I Do If I Just Don't Like Sex?
“I think I’m broken.”
“I hate the thought of being touched anymore. I could live the rest of my life without having sex again. Does this mean I am asexual?”
“Sex is the last thing I want to do. All my partner and I do is fight about it.”
These are just a few of the statements I have heard over the years, working with women as a Certified Sex Therapist and relationship counselor. Some women I have met with say they feel pressured by partners to address their personal feelings about sex for the sake of their relationship, while others are fearful that these negative feelings about sex can’t be changed. Whatever the reason might be to begin to address sex and what it has become to mean in your life, one important distinction to become aware of is whether your feelings are about the act of sex as you experience it, or if it is more about the lack of desire for sex in the relationship you are in.
“I don’t like sex” as a statement can mean different things. If it is painful, or if you don’t experience the pleasure that it once gave you, or even if you have never experienced sex as pleasurable; these problems can be addressed; these problems can be solved. A personalized assessment can get the ball rolling in the right direction for you to have the experience with sex you want.
“I have no desire for sex” is a bit trickier for some women, but is honestly my favorite framework to help women examine for themselves... This can mean several different things; from an unhealthy (but very common!) dynamic between couples that has been created in a relationship, to a pattern of relationship conflict that creates a lack of desire for your partner, to simple burnout from over-functioning in your relationship . . . these are all things that get in the way of feeling the desire we once felt.
The great news is that it can be changed and improved and even better than you ever experienced before! Stress, fear of shame, guilt, trauma, and lack of time and/or energy are just a few of the excuses we use to avoid having to examine or even look at this part of our relationships. My years of work in this area have proven to show that couples who do confront their anxiety about this topic can go on to enjoy a more loving and intimately connected relationship than they ever thought they could have had by ignoring it.
If you recognize yourself in the statements at the beginning of this post, reward yourself with the gift of a loving and intimate relationship! Make an appointment today!
To schedule with Wasatch Family Therapy, call 801.944.4555 or click this link!
