What is “DBT”? And why can it help everyone?
All of us are born with different imbalances. I’m not just talking about chemical imbalances within our brains, that is true as well. Instead, I’m talking about the opposing lenses that our brain and body view the world, others and ourselves.
According to DBT, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy, there are two opposing truths (called ‘Dialectics’) that we are always trying to manage, or balance within ourselves. When we equally value both Dialectics (called Reason Mind and Emotion Mind), we find ourselves living a balanced life with wisdom, intuition, and inner congruence, something DBT Therapy calls Wise Mind.
Living a life within Wise Mind is the entire goal of DBT.
However, this balancing act can be difficult to achieve without the self-awareness and skills DBT teaches to help us ‘lean’ towards the middle versus swinging between each Dialectic. DBT skills helps to create the awareness of which dialectic we are currently working in, and listen to the opposite dialectic, balance the information, and make choices that will be the most effective for ourselves and others. Without this ability, people end up swinging between extremes
For example, here’s a common illustration of how we may “swing” from one Dialectic to the other:
Danielle is a kind and loving person who does not want to upset those she cares about. Because of this, she often ignores her own feelings (putting others as more important than herself) and tries to ‘be there’ for others. She believes that as she focuses on what her friend’s need she will not be selfish (Ignoring her ‘Emotion Mind’ and remaining in her ‘Reason Mind’) and will be a good person others will like.
As she keeps pushing her needs and feelings away, instead choosing to focus on others, her ‘Emotion Mind’ becomes louder and louder, often appearing as health problems like headaches, stomachaches, stress and gradually being more and more impatient, snappy or growing feelings of resentment, avoidance and anger.
One day, out of the blue, she explodes and becomes very reactive. She takes out all the bottled up intense feelings of neglect, resentment and frustration out on whoever she is with in that moment (she has now over-compensated from ‘all Reason Mind’ to all ‘Emotion Mind’). This may look like self-harm or self-damaging or can look like aggressive behavior towards others.
After she calms down, she is filled with immense regret and guilt and reprimands herself saying “That was such a terrible thing to do! You have got to be less selfish and never get mad again!”
And just like that, she goes about shutting off her ‘Emotion Mind’ again, and swings back into only listening to Reason Mind, until her needs become overwhelming and she overcompensates, swinging from Reason Mind into Emotion Mind again.
The challenge with Danielle, and all of us, is the fact that both Emotion Mind and Reason Mind are equally true, important, and helpful to us. Unless we can hold the true information found in each dialectic equally, we will end up swinging back and forth in an attempt to find balance.
If Danielle had DBT skills, she would have been able to listen to both her Reason Mind and her Emotion Mind, and hear that it is a value for herto care for others, AND that it is important for her to care for herself too. She might then be able to choose to reflect on her feelings about certain activities, setting limits on her giving, being authentic about what she wants, and suggest ways for her and her friend to get both of their needs met.
If the above situation sounds like yourself, a loved one, or a child, call our office (801.944.4555) to learn more about our DBT skills groups.
No matter which dialectic you defaultly lean towards, DBT skills can help you live a balanced life in the middle path without the exhausting swinging that occurs without it.
If you'd like more information about DBT, here's video where I discuss the above information in more detail: https://youtu.be/2oy7PhubZW0
