5 Skills to Improve Communication with Your Child
“Because I said so,”
“I’m the parent and you have to listen.”
“I’m big you’re small, I’m right you’re wrong and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
The first two quotes we may have heard ourselves saying, the last quote is from Ms. Trunchbull in the movie Matilda. Parenting methods have changed over the years and many of us are trying to take a gentler approach. We surely don’t want to take as harsh of an approach as Ms. Trunchbull, but how can we stay in tune with our child’s needs, listen to their wants, and also have them listen to us in those important moments, where obedience is not optional. Children have not developed enough to understand some safety risks and it is our job as their parents to keep them safe and teach them what those are. Sometimes we have time to give them options and take the time to teach. Other times we need them to listen immediately.
If you are having issues with your child’s behavior, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy may be a great option for you. Parent-Child Interaction Therapy(PCIT) is an evidence-based treatment program designed for caregivers and their young children (2 to 7 years old) who are experiencing social, behavioral, and/or emotional difficulties. It can also be beneficial to children slightly older than age seven depending on some developmental, social, and emotional factors.
PCIT has two phases. Child-Directed Interaction (CDI) is the first phase of PCIT which focuses on child bonding and attunement. During CDI, the child leads the play and the parent shows the child that they enjoy the time spent with them. I have seen children really come out of their shells and show so much enthusiasm for CDI and the smiles and laughter are exciting for the therapist to observe and the parent to witness! In the first phase, the parent learns skills that help build an increased positive relationship with their child. The second phase–called Parent-Directed Interaction (PDI)-- focuses on the child’s compliance or “listening skills”. Oftentimes, CDI goes so well for the child and parent that PDI is only a few weeks long because they grasp the concepts of listening to their parents so quickly. Other times, it can take a bit longer as they are testing the boundaries and possibly have more challenging behaviors. PDI uses an “active ignore” and “rest time” to give the child a chance to re-regulate and come back to follow instructions.
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy uses what we call PRIDE skills to build an improved relationship that will ultimately lead to more desirable behavior in your child. You can begin to implement these skills at home today.
P- LABELED PRAISE: Give specific, simple praise for positive behavior. For example: “Thank you for playing so nicely with your sister.”
R- REFLECT: Show your child you are actively listening by reflecting back to them what they say to you. For example They tell you that they are going to play with cars. You say, “You want to play with cars!”
I- IMITATE: Follow their lead, do what they are doing. It shows that you approve of what you see them doing and it builds confidence. For example, when you are playing with them and you see them building a castle, build a castle next to theirs.
D- BEHAVIOR DESCRIPTIONS: Give a play-by-play. Make verbal observations of the good things you see them doing throughout the day. For example: When you see them getting dressed independently. Say, “You are buttoning your shirt now.”
E- ENJOYMENT: Show a positive attitude when you play with them and when you interact with them to help build their trust in you as well as their self-concept. For example: Show enthusiasm about their interests and the time you spend with them by smiling and laughing with them.
As part of the PCIT protocol, we do pre-program assessments, weekly behavioral inventories, and post-program assessments to measure progress. I will create a chart for you that clearly outlines the progress your child is making which will show improved social and emotional skills as well as better behavior! I have seen impressive, measurable results in PCIT. As my first three PCIT clients approached graduation, I was amazed at the progress that was made. When the parents follow the protocol at home as well as come to therapy sessions consistently, the progress is astonishing.
Read a recent PCIT graduate parent’s review of the program:
“I have a daughter that was adopted through foster care. My daughter is very strong-willed and bossy. Her upbringing lacked a lot of rules and routines so she has always had a hard time listening to and following house rules. I decided to try PCIT so I could learn how to help my daughter more and be the support that she needed me to be. When I first started the program I could see my weaknesses in me in not showing my daughter enough attention and praise that someone with her past needed. As the PCIT progressed I became better not only with the one-on-one play time but at home I would catch myself giving praise and listening better to my daughter. This helped my daughter by showing her that someone was supporting her. When it got to the child's listening skills my daughter, with most everything new, pushed back a little bit. However, as I started to stick with the program and was consistent with the disciplining skills my daughter became a better listener and I started to see that I didn't need to shout at her to get her to listen to me. Working with Christina was super helpful. She guided me on the parts that I could improve on and was supportive of my goal to help me and my daughter become better. This was a good program and I would recommend it to people who want to improve their relationship with their children.”
Christina is trained in PCIT and has openings in her schedule. To schedule an assessment to see if PCIT is a good fit for your child, reach out to Wasatch Family Therapy.
