Healing From Purity Culture

Photo by Cody Black on Unsplash

Purity Culture is a set of beliefs that exist across many religions and often emphasize abstinence-only before marriage and other strict rules around modesty and inflexible gender roles. In many cases, purity culture places purity over the dignity or worth of a person. 

How Do We Heal From the Negative Effects of Purity Culture?

While it is completely normal to decide to abstain from sexual activity until marriage if that is within someone’s values or belief system, purity culture has caused some side effects that negatively impact men and women. For example, some young women recall being compared to half-eaten cupcakes or food with bugs in it if they did not abstain from sexual activity before marriage. These kinds of metaphors are very painful and can have a lasting impact on one’s self-esteem. 

Steps to Help You Heal from Purity Culture

Here are a few steps you can take that may help you on your journey to healing from purity culture.

Explore the beliefs you have around yourself & relationships

Brainstorm some of the beliefs you learned from a young age and determine whether it’s something you still agree with. Ask yourself if it’s something that still feels like it fits you and your values or if it feels like it does not align with your perspective, goals, and values anymore. If it no longer aligns with you, explore a replacement belief that fits better and honors your autonomy and values.

Practice boundaries

A side effect of purity culture can be a lack of boundaries or feeling shame around having them. Explore areas of life & relationships where you feel you may have resentment or dread. Areas of resentment sometimes tell us there may need to be a boundary in place. Practice reminding yourself that saying ‘no’ is okay and that your body belongs to you and you only. Start small with flexible boundaries and be patient with yourself.

Educate yourself with accurate resources.

Seek out research or education and resources from professionals to help learn and unlearn information. Sometimes purity culture teaches concepts/ideas that aren’t based on facts or a healthy perspective. Seek out professionals in the field like sex therapists, sex educators, physicians, OBGYNs, etc. A great introduction to these concepts is the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski.

Seek support from a therapist

Therapists who have experience or specialize in religious trauma are a great resource for healing from purity culture. If you are feeling harmed by purity culture, you are not alone and your feelings and experiences are valid. It’s normal to need support as part of this process. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional who can support you on your journey.

At Wasatch Family Therapy in Utah, we have a team of compassionate and highly trained therapists who offer in-person therapy and virtual therapy with immediate availability. Schedule your initial visit by texting or calling our office at 801.944.4555. Additionally, you can contact us by filling out this form and letting us know what you’re looking for. We are ready to stand beside you and help you on your journey towards healing from purity culture.