Technology Has Changed You!!!
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
“Technology has changed you!” is a phrase that some children throw around jokingly when their parents are on their phones, tablets, or laptops when they think that parents should be engaged with them. They’re right though, as much as we hate to admit and be called on our behavior; technology has changed us. However, with the influx of digitally charged interactions comes the opportunity to connect with friends and family that, previously, were difficult to stay in contact with. Still, there is also the increased ability to disconnect from in-person interactions and relationships.
How Much is Technology Impacting Our Relationships
According to a recent study conducted by the market research group Nielsen, American adults average 11 hours per day reading, listening, surfing, posting, or interacting with media. 11 hours per day! It’s true that a lot of us use a lot of media sources for our jobs, school, and hobbies, but how much of that 11 hours per day is spent scrolling social media?
What are we giving up to instead interact on a social media platform for nearly half the day?
How are our relationships with our kids, spouses, friends, and other family members impacted?
How is our relationship with ourselves impacted?
What is social media doing to strengthen or damage our relationships?
Interestingly, when I ask those questions, most clients look completely dumbfounded for a minute. Then as they begin to evaluate the function that media serves in their lives and their relationships, they often come to an answer quickly—it’s a distraction. Media is an escape hatch from real life, but it’s often “sold” as being reality. This seemingly innocent incongruity, fantasy vs reality, can cause some real issues.
Counteract the Negative Effects and Heighten the Positive Effect
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! That’s right folks let’s talk about how social media, and media in general, within our relationships. There isn’t an easy button for this discussion, each relationship is different and so are the boundaries established within those relationships. Some families may have a social media moratorium during the week, others may have limits on what media influences are allowed, and others may have a more laissez-faire approach. No one solution is fundamentally better than the other as long as the people involved have been part of the discussion, even teens and kids. This is not saying that the kids get to decide, but allowing children to be part of the decision-making process and have a voice is empowering and models respect and compromise.
Set media-free time aside every day and use part of it to connect with those you care about. Most people aren’t in a situation where they must be “plugged in” 24 hours a day. Media-free or screen-free time is crucial to balancing mental, physical, and emotional wellness. Here are some suggestions of what to do during that time:
Go for a walk/run with your best friend
Take a hike with your family
Go on a bike ride with your spouse
Sit around the kitchen table and eat dinner without cell phones or the TV on in the background
Go to the park
Read a book together and discuss it
Go star gazing
Visit a relative you haven’t seen in a while
Also, allow yourself time to disconnect from media and sit with your thoughts and feelings. Give yourself the space to really connect with yourself and understand what’s happening for you mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Media and the Comparison Trap
Be wary of the comparison trap! All media, but social media in particular, is rife for falling into the habit of comparing ourselves with those in our neighborhood, school, church, or the world; this is a harmful mindset. Remember that social media is being sold as reality, but it is fantasy. Often it is used as a “highlights” reel to life, but we don’t get to see the “bloopers” reel. Real life is not a series of perfect moments like what is featured on someone’s Instagram story. Comparing our lives to that well-curated presentation can lead to feelings of failure, inadequacy, and hopelessness.
Lastly, take breaks from media if it feels like it is becoming obsessive or is dominating your “real” life. We have convinced ourselves that life would cease to exist without media ...that is not reality. You may just find a new hobby or reconnect with someone that’s important to you.
If you need help navigating social media, screen time, or any other issue your family may be facing, we’re here to help. You don’t have to search for the “best therapist near me,” you’ve already found it. Call or text us at 801.944.4555 or contact us here to schedule your initial visit today. We’re committed to building stronger families.
Note: This article was previously written by Stacie Rasmussen, AMFT, and has been updated by the Wasatch Family Therapy team.
