Ring Theory: Supporting Individuals in Crisis
When we are in crisis, whether from grief, trauma, or illness, we need support. It can sometimes be difficult to know what kind of support we need, and it can be hard to let support in due to feelings of overwhelm, pain, and shame. Sometimes people offer us “support” that doesn’t feel quite right, and we may not be sure how to tell them or set boundaries that we need. At other times, we might want to support someone else that is in crisis but feel unsure of what to say or do that will ease suffering and not contribute to their distress. This is where Ring Theory can be helpful.
Ring Theory was presented in an article published by the LA Times in 2013. The concept was created by clinical psychologist Susan Silk and mediator Barry Goldman. Since the article’s publication, Ring Theory has been widely used and many have found it to be a helpful guide as they, and the people they care about, navigate times of crisis.
The idea is that a person in crisis is in a circle at the center of other rings that expand outwards, like ripples in a pond. Silk explains the creation of the rings in the following way: “Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones.”
Support should always be directed inward towards the center of the circle while “dumping” should be directed outwards. Support and comfort move from larger rings into smaller rings while emotional processing or complaining goes from smaller rings to larger rings. The one benefit of being the individual at the center of the rings is that we are allowed to receive support and comfort from everyone and are not expected to take in emotional “dumping” from anyone. The person at the center can emotionally process and vent about their experience with anyone in the outer rings that they feel safe with. Those in the outer rings should become aware of their positionality. While they may have feelings, concerns, and pain of their own related to the situation, they should express that grief and anxiety only to people in rings that are larger than their own, so they are not putting their emotional burden onto people who are closer to the crisis.
Support could take the form of validation, listening, presence, and practical help. We should be careful if we notice ourselves wanting to give advice to those in smaller rings. If they have not directly asked for our advice, then it is possible that our advice may be coming from a place of wanting to help ourselves feel better by fixing things or expressing our own ideas rather than from being in-tune with the needs of the afflicted individual. It is wise to ask permission before giving advice or opinions. We can practice being mindful of the purpose of our words and the phrasing and timing. If we are not the person at the center of the rings, it is totally normal to be scared for the people we love that are. Secondary trauma is a real thing that may be impacting us. Reaching out to receive support from those in larger circles will put us in a better position to be able to offer support to those in the smaller circles.
If you are suffering in any way, you deserve love, support, and the space to voice and process the things you want to express, no matter which ring you find yourself in. Remember that taking your pain to someone who is also consumed with deep pain may not be helpful to you or to them. A therapist is usually in a ring further out from you and therapy is an ideal place to take thoughts and feelings you may need to voice and have witnessed, validated, and processed. A therapist can hold space for your feelings and help you navigate boundaries in helpful ways.
