Making Sense of Big Behaviors

One of the most challenging phases of parenting can be when there are big, explosive behaviors happening with our little -and not so little- children. This can be an exhausting and humiliating experience (especially when it happens in public places!) and it can create a sense of helplessness for everyone affected. It’s easy to react with your own anger and frustration or to begin to believe that your child is purposefully sabotaging every fun family activity or moment of quiet.

Triggering a tantrum

For many parents, it begins to feel like you are being held hostage to the whims of this little person, as you never know what will trigger an outburst or tantrum. You begin walking on eggshells and even avoid too many interactions as you feel nervous about setting off your kiddo. It’s easy to take a step back and want to protect your own heart. It’s a wild thing that nobody ever told us- this little tiny person who you love so much can 1) hurt your feelings deeply and 2) be the source of so much pain internally.  It’s important to make sure you are taking care of you in the midst of this challenge so that you can be a co-regulator and not get swept up in the chaos. 

Connection before correction

Here are some quick steps to take care of YOUR sanity first…and ways to help your little one too.

1. Take a deep breath. imagine your very favorite Crumbl cookie. It just came out of the oven and it smells SO GOOD. Deeply inhale and let that cookie goodness fill you up. But since it’s hot, you also need to blow on it to cool it down. Imagine smelling the yumminess and then cooling it down for 5 deep, slow breaths.

2. Ask yourself: Have I eaten today? Do I need a drink of water? Do I need some fresh air? And go take care of those things BEFORE engaging with the darling little Tasmanian Devil next to you.

3. Get yourself regulated and then go to work on co-regulating your child. Remember- connection before correction.

Additional tips

If you want some additional tips and a deeper understanding of what may be driving these behaviors, I just spoke about this on the Lift and Uplift Podcast with Tom Telford. You can listen to it HERE.

Therapy support for children

If you or your child are struggling with managing big behaviors, the therapists at Wasatch Family Therapy are ready to stand beside you and support you on your journey. Schedule your initial appointment by texting or calling 801.944.4555 or filling out this form here.