I saw my grandfather die when I was young and it was very painful because he was like a dad to me. And ever since my grandfather’s death I’ve been having troubles maintaining my relationship with others whether it’s friends or family members. I try to distant myself away from them in fear of getting hurt again. I have trouble letting people in my life and tend to disassociate myself from being involved in a romantic relationship with anyone. As a result, I can’t truly love or care for anyone. Although thinking about my grandfather made me very feel sad and depressed at first, now I’m not as sad as I used to be and I felt guilty for not being sad and I would force myself to think about his death over and over again and make myself feel bad and cry myself to sleep. I also feel pressured by my parents to do well in school and life and it’s almost as if I’m letting them down and becoming that worthless and useless person I was when I stood there and watched my grandfather died. And whenever I feel useless and think I’m such a failure or that I might not live up to other’s expectations, I want to die. I have suicidal thoughts almost everyday and wish I were dead but never actually thought of actually committing a suicide. I also feel irritated very often recently and just want to be left alone. I gave up or got bored of things I used to love doing. This is ruining my life and I think I seriously really need help.
I have suffered with severe depression for about 25 years now. At last someone has listened to me and I have been referred to see a psychiatrist as i feel that maybe there is more going on than just depression. I feel very suicidal, I self harm, I hear voices that no one else can here and I’m also seeing things. I am a bit worried about seeing the psychiatrist as I don’t know what to expect. I was told that they would assess me, what does this involve and will they be able to tell on the first visit what is going on.
A: I’m so glad that you’re going to meet with a psychiatrist for an evaluation. You’re describing serious symptoms that need to be addressed immediately. Watch the video below for my complete answer…
Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW
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