We live in a world of chaos filled with
the hustle and bustle of life. There are school, work, home, church, family,
and social obligations and responsibilities that are flying at us 24/7; it can
be difficult to find the quiet in a world filled with noise. Sometimes our
minds scream for the peace and quiet, they need a break from the noise of our
lives. How often are you giving yourself a break? Do you allow yourself to stop
for just a moment and find that peace? Wonder if you haven’t found your quiet
place yet? Create it!
Choose to take a moment and make a
space for yourself, if even in your mind, where you can go to feel calm and
peaceful. This is a place that is all your own, it can be anything you want it
to be. The key to this place is that it is a space where you feel completely at
ease. There is comfort in your place. There is safety in your place. This is a
Here’s a list of questions for you to
answer, in your mind or aloud, to help you start to create a quiet place in
your mind. Initially, read through the questions to become familiar with them. After
some contemplation, read through them again and experience them from a deeper,
more visceral place. Envision how you feel and allow yourself to go into that
Where’s your quiet place? This can be as broad as “at the
beach” or as specific as “sitting on my pink and white canopy bed, holding my
Cabbage Patch doll in my childhood bedroom on Forest Street in Podunk, USA”.
Is it a place that
you once visited or is it a place that you only dream of?
If you’ve been there, when did you visit and what kind of
memories does thinking about it bring to mind? If it’s a real place with
memories attached, dive into those memories. Allow yourself to feel and
re-experience what made this place your “quiet” place.
If it’s a figment of your imagination, when did you start
daydreaming of going there? Do you remember? Maybe this is a place that you
have dreamed of since you were a kid. Maybe you saw a picture somewhere.
What does your quiet
place look like? Use colors, textures, and other descriptive language to be as
specific as possible.
What does it smell like? Again, be descriptive. “Good”,
won’t have the same sensory impact as describing the scent of the ocean or the
pine of the forest after it rains.
What do you hear when
you are there? Trying to engage all your senses, do you hear insects? Birds?
Do you feel the sun on your face or the wind on your cheeks?
Are you warm or cold? What else do you feel? Sand under your feet? The spongy
feel of the forest after a big rain?
Are you there by
yourself or do you have people with you? Who? Let’s be honest there are some
people that do not help us feel calm, they don’t need to be included in your
quiet place. Yep, even if they are your parents, children, spouse, or best
friend. Sometimes we need to find peace away from even those that we love the
Lastly, after you’ve created a picture
with sound, touch, smell, and maybe taste too. Give yourself permission to
visit this place when you feel the noise of the world is too much. I have
clients that use this as part of their morning or bedtime routine to help them
get into a quiet headspace to start their day or go to sleep. Personally, I
like doing it for a few minutes in the middle of my day when I have a break. I
close my office door, take a few deep belly breaths, visualize a place (I have
several), and let the experience encompass my senses and clear my head so that
I can move on with my day with a newfound sense of quiet and calmness.
Learning to love yourself is probably the greatest work that you will ever do. Loving yourself means just as you are willing to rescue someone else, you are also willing to rescue yourself.
Learning to love yourself is a quiet thing. When you gain the desire and practice eliminating negative influences, attitudes, and people who bring toxicity into your life, you will begin to love your self as well as you love someone else.
Learning to love yourself has a ripple effect. The more you are willing to love yourself the more others you associate with will be able to love themselves. Loving yourself is a work that can only be done by you. Each time you decide to “not beat yourself up” you are inspiring and giving others permission to be kind to themselves.
Albert Ellis stated, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” When you embrace your own unique self and conquer self- hate and doubt, you are helping yourself and others to get rid of unstable, unhealthy relationships.
Have you ever pondered about your need to be needed by others? Are you sacrificing your wants and needs in order to please someone else? Do you usually put yourself last, and do something just for you only if you have extra time left?
Taking time for self-reflection can assist you to determine what areas where you are having the greatest difficulty treating yourself well. There are many consequences that you will experience when you don’t love and care for you! Some of these include: Keeping yourself from being in healthy relationships that could nourish your body, mind, and soul. Preventing yourself from living up to your full potential and discovering and nourishing the individual gifts that make you uniquely you. Not being able to pursue a chosen career or life dream. Not taking good care of yourself, your spirit, mind, and physical body. Not having loving fulfilling relationships with family, friends and others.
If you have experienced any of the consequences as stated above, if your relationships are not fulfilling and you are unable to set healthy boundaries, and tell others “No,” Consider making an appointment with me to discover how to gain the desire and the tools to truly LOVE and Carefor YOU!
Make a new choice.
I can assist you to love yourself and have healthy, fulfilling relationships with others.
Sharon Salzborg declared, “One must endeavor to love oneself abundantly.”
Don’t wait. If you aren’t willing to care for yourself, who will?
We’ve all known someone who is judgmental. It’s an unfortunate character trait and is often easy to spot in other people, but can be a bit more difficult to see in ourselves. But the truth is that we all could stand to be more kind and accepting of others. Here are 4 strategies to become less judgmental:
1) Cultivate Empathy
One of the first steps is to practice developing empathy and consideration for others. This often starts with ourselves. If you find yourself judging another person or harboring bad feelings, get curious, try to understand him/her, and ask questions. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and you’ll likely start to let go of some of your judgmental feelings.
2) Practice Self-Reflection
Whenever we judge someone, it’s always about us, not the other person. So when you catch yourself judging, self-reflect on why some behavior of that person is bothering you. For example, if you say or think that another woman is self-centered and spends way too much money on her appearance, hold up the mirror and see what issues of yours are being reflected. Perhaps you are jealous of her or are insecure about your own appearance and how much you invest in looking your best. Maybe that woman reminds you of someone who once was unkind to you. Judgments are very often brought about by something bringing up past wounds. Self-examine to find your reasons.
3) Seek Common Ground
Part of human nature is to notice the differences between ourselves and others. This can leading to ranking and comparison and is fertile ground for judgment to take place. Try to break the habit of seeing only differences and instead look for similarities between yourself and the other person. If you have trouble finding anything in common, remember that all human beings have experienced suffering. You may ask yourself, “What is his/her current challenge?” Seeking common ground can help you let go of judgment.
4) Stay in Your Business
Sometimes we unnecessarily insert ourselves into others’ business. Though there may be a natural concern for someone else’s well-being and we might want something positive for him/her, being overly concerned with another person’s life and choices can come across as judgmental. Instead, seek to stay on your side of the fence. And while staying in our own business can help us become less judgmental toward others, it can also help reduce some pain and anxiety for ourselves. Remind yourself that there are certain things that you do not need to worry about.
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