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Give the Gift of Love

Do my kids know I love them? Should I tell my children everyday that I love them? Is it enough to give them hugs and kisses or should I be doing more to show my love? What else can I do to connect emotionally to my kids? These are just some of the numerous questions I get asked by parents. If you’ve asked these questions, or ones along the same lines, you are not alone! While there are many parenting books, there is not one way to parent a child. Children are unique, and therefore, need to be parented in different ways. What works for you may not work for your sister or your neighbor. 

That being said, there is one thing that all children need: love. A healthy attachment to parents, and an underlying feeling that they are loved and supported, are fabulous stepping stones for a successful future. Many parents question how to adequately show love for their children in such a busy and screen filled world. The best way to show love for your children is to find out how they feel loved. 

Gary Chapman is the author of the book “The Five Love Languages.” This book is about the love languages that couples feel and how to use those to connect in  your relationship. His book “5 Love Languages of Children” is a fantastic tool for any parent who is wondering how to effectively show love to their child. It talks about ways to identify your child’s love language, how to then show it, and discipline through that love language.  There is power in realizing the specific way that your child needs to feel love. If you don’t know what category they fall into simply ask them! Opening up that line of communication can be a great way to get to know your child. 

Another great book about identifying and talking about emotions is John Gottman’s book “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.”  In this book parents are coached through different ways to talk to their child about emotion and then how to regulate said emotion. It is a fantastic read for any parent who wants to know more about emotion and how to teach their child about that. 

Many times an inability to talk about emotion stems from the way you were taught to talk about and process emotions growing up. We know from years of research that creating a loving relationship at home is one of the best indicators of future success. If you are struggling with identifying your own emotion, and unpacking that is difficult, coaching your child through difficult emotions may be too hard. Therapy is always a great place to learn tools that will emotionally strengthen you, and will allow you to then strengthen your relationships with your children and spouse. 

Now get out there! Tell your kids you love them. Give them a hug. Make their bed for them. Buy them a candy bar. Go for a walk with them. Find the specific way they feel loved and show it to them in that specific way. It will be a great exercise for both of you. 

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Activities to Increase Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

Wasatch Family Therapy KidsEmotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and react to others’ emotions while comprehending social networks. Research has shown that even more than IQ, your emotional & social intelligence is more correlated with success and overall happiness. Some of the proven benefits of increasing social and emotional intelligence are: better physical health, higher academic scores, fewer behavior problems, closer relationships, increased resiliency, and less prone substance abuse, mental health issues and violence. Daniel Goleman’s model identifies four key areas of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.  In my therapy practice I use many different interventions to help kids recognize, express and manage their emotions.  Here are five of my favorite activities:

Feelings Candyland:

The rules of the game are the same as regular Candyland except, when you choose a card to move, you have to express a time you felt the feeling that correlates with the color.  (i.e. Blue is sad.  Talk about a time or something that makes you sad).  Here is an outline of the game Feelings Candyland

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Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child: Studio 5

Self and Relationship Expert Julie Hanks, LCSW, Owner and Director of Wasatch Family Therapy, shares how you can become your child’s “emotion coach” and help her develop emotional health. Watch the segment online!

Read more on JulieHanks.com

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