The world is full of noise and escaping that noise in important. Whether that is getting out running, hiking, walking, or enjoying any of your favorite activities. What is important in taking in the silences is that we are present. Taking the time to enjoy the silence is an act of mindfulness. Mindfulness has been shown to benefit us by:
· Physical benefits including lowered blood pressure and improved sleep.
· Gaining more control of our thoughts.
· Reduction of stress.
Remember yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called present. – Mastery Oogway Kung Fu Panda
Wasatch Family Therapy is excited to announce this school year’s social skills group. This group is opened ended allowing kids to come into the group throughout the school year. There is a six session commitment, but children can stay longer, if needed. Groups are $50 per session, due at the time of the group. Please contact us at 801-944-4555 to register for the group.
We are excited to announce that
Wasatch Family Therapy is starting up our Mad Science and social skills group
this summer! The group is starting June 11th and goes through July
30th for a total of seven groups. These groups are two hours long
and will run every Tuesday skipping the week of the 24th of
July. The group consist of an hour
science experiment with the Mad Science group leader and the therapists.
Followed by the last hour with the therapist working with the children on
various social skills involving play and our science experiment. Some of you
may be wondering is this group worth it for my child? The answer to that
question is yes! Below are some of the benefits that kids can receive from our
social skills group.
Social skills group builds self-confidence in
the group setting which then goes to all areas of your child’s life.
Allows them to make new friends and learn how to
maintain healthy friendships going forward.
Develop new problem solving skills for school
and home settings.
Ability to cope with changes that may occur in
their day-to-day life.
A better understanding of their own emotions and
then how to connect with peers through empathy.
Play is a child’s primary language which means
we will be doing a lot of it during the group!
Group play can support emotional healing and
Improves independence and creative thinking.
Allows a safe place to make decisions and learn
to accept and understand their responsibility for these.
We look forward to this group every year as we see each of the children make great leaps forward in their abilities. If you or anyone you know is interested in our social skills group reach out to us at 801-944-4555 to sign up now!
Boundaries help to keep us stay connected with someone while keeping the relationship in a healthy place. Often time’s boundaries are perceived in negative ways and only to push others away, but this is not true. “Some people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals. They’re a purely peaceable thing. The basic principles you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself.” – Cheryl Strayed (Author of Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail)
With this in mind I would like to invite to listen to one of my favorite podcasts that does a great job of discussing boundaries and a technique I find extremely beneficial called “Jello Wall”. A Link is provided below, but you may find them wherever you find your other podcast by searching Therapist Uncensored and listening to episode 81 “How Good Boundaries bring us Closer Together”.
This 8 week group is designed to help school-aged children navigate the challenges of social situations and understand what it means to be a friend. Focusing on understanding their role and impact on those in their world.
I know most of you started reading this in hopes of finding the magic bullet for dealing with your child’s misbehavior. You should know, that’s not the type of grounding we are talking about. While you won’t be getting any discipline tips, the mindfulness grounding techniqu
es presented here pose many benefits for you and your child, including allowing your child to be more present especially when becoming behaviorally or emotionally dysregulated.
The goal of grounding is to calm the emotional and irrational part of our brain so that we can begin to think more logically about what is going on. Grounding exercises allow individuals to:
Remain calm and present when we become over stimulated or experience a flashback from a negative past experience
Begin to feel and express big emotions such as anxiety or anger
Catch our self in a whirlwind of worrying thoughts.
One helpful grounding exercise is bring our mind to what we are sensing in the present moment by carefully observe our surroundings and noticing what we are seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, or touching. This draws the mind away from worries, concerns, or large emotions and grounds us to the current space we are in.
One specific grounding technique I use with families and their children involves Lego mini-figures. Using a Lego mini-figure for this technique is not required; however, it is nice as it can have unique details and is easy to bring along anywhere you go. When the child gets upset they begin to describe the details they see on the mini-figure and what it reminds them of. Often children will describe the figures facial expression, specific cloths they are wearing, and discuss memories of playing with the figure. After the child has done this, I will have them take a deep breath before checking in with their parent or going back to play. While most children can do this on their own, I recommend the parent to participate and do this with the child in the beginning. By doing this with them, the child will become more comfortable at using this technique when they are upset.
It is important to note that while this specific technique is geared towards our children, it can also apply to us as adults. We as adults can look at our surroundings and describe what we see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. If we apply this, and other mindfulness techniques, alongside with our children, we will feel less anxiety and stress and will find that escalated situations will deescalate more quickly.
If you, or your child,would like to learn more about other helpful grounding techniques and strategies to positively manage your child’s emotional or behavior challenges, please contact us at Wasatch Family Therapy at 801-944-4555. We can provide a more specific approach to meet your individual or family needs.
We all experience forms of trauma at some point in our life. Some trauma is obvious and very serious. While other trauma can stem from minor events which we may not always classify as traumatic; such as, feelings of embarrassment during a presentation or public event. Both large and small traumatic experiences can resurface and manifest themselves in our lives as increased stress or anxiety. Sometimes individuals do not realize that the stress or anxiety actually stems from some form of trauma. So, how do we rewrite the traumatic events of our life? EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization Therapy, is one form of therapy that has been proven to be extremely effective in helping individuals overcome the negative effects of stress, anxiety, and trauma.
Eye Movement Desensitization Therapy may sound like a strange and scary form of therapy. You may have questions, like “What do eye movements have to do with therapy?” or, “I like my senses, what exactly does it mean to be desensitized?” While, I do have experience and expertise in facilitating EMDR therapy, I am not a scientist, or a doctor so I’ll leave it up to an expert to answer some of the more detailed questions. The following article provides an excellent overview of what EMDR is, and some of the more intricate details about how it works. This is a great starting place for individuals interested in EMDR or learning a little more about this form of therapy.
A while back, my garage was burglarized and my new mountain bike was stolen. I left that morning disgruntled, frustrated and very upset having had my garage broken into. It was fortuitous that I was going to EMDR training the day my bike was stolen. My colleague was able to use EMDR for my experience with my bike. Upon coming to training that day I was livid, so livid I had a difficult time being present. That afternoon during my brief EMDR treatment I started out resentful and angry. Funny enough, I left the session frustrated that I was not frustrated that my bike being stolen. EMDR had worked and I had been able to process through the event and overcome the negative emotions I likely would have felt.
If you, or someone you know, is interested in beginning EMDR therapy please contact me at 801-944-4555 to schedule an appointment to learn more.
Parents, starting next week we have a Tween group for kids ages 11 – 13. This group will promote healthy relationships and communication between adults and peers as they prepare to enter Jr. High and Middle School. The group will use expressive arts and group activities that help the children to engaged in skills that they will use for the rest of their life.
How are we to just forgive and forget when someone has done us wrong? How am I to trust or let them back into my life after they have caused so much harm? We often find ourselves asking these questions and unsure how to answer them. Forgiveness can be a difficult subject to discuss and we have many different thoughts and feelings about it.
Dr. Fred Luskin, an expert on forgiveness, defines forgiveness as the experience of being in peace right now no matter what story drama has occurred 5 min or 5 years ago and no matter what has happened in any of our lives; at this moment we can be at peace.
Often when we hold a grudge, it creates a lack of peace in our life. Dr. Luskin states that the reason for this lack of peace, is that instead of letting go of an experience, we hold on to it because it went against our expectation of how the situation should have turned out. Yes, life happened, but rather than letting go we are left with emotional turmoil due to an inability to let go of our expectations. One crucial part of forgiveness is letting go and resetting these expectations of those that we feel have wronged us.
Often times I am asked, “Why is it that we must remember?” and “How am I ever supposed to let them in my life again?” Often we remember the situation that occurred so that we do not repeat the same mistakes again. Dr. Luskin explains this concept well, he explains that forgiveness is “actually remembering differently. While the lack of forgiveness is remembering something with an edge or a grudge or a sense of injustice, forgiveness means remembering it more benignly, with compassion. It involves some purpose of moving ahead, rather than just being stuck in the past”. When we forgive someone that does not mean that we automatically trust them or let them back in fully. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves not for the other person.
Luskin notes that in order to move forward and forgive we must first:
Take a hurt less personally
Take responsibility for how you feel
Then become a hero instead of a victim in the story we tell
Luskin notes that we must change from a victim story to a hero in our story. True forgiveness does not put the other person “in charge” but rather it places you in control of the situation. Luskin states, that “while you did not cause these things to happen, you are responsible for how you think, behave, and feel since those experiences occurred. It is your life, and they are your reactions and emotions to manage.”
Every day we have the choice on how we react to situations that we can take offense to. We can choose to react and fall into that default setting of harboring anger or we can take a step back, look at our emotions, and let go.
We have the choice day in and day out to forgive and move forward in our lives. Holding onto these grudges prevent us from our happiness. Letting go and forgiving provides us with the following:
Greater feelings of hope
More peace in your life
Improved physical and mental health
More positive attitude and outlook
If you are having a difficult time forgiving and letting go please reach out and schedule an appointment with Nate at the Cottonwood Heights office 801-944-4555.
Luskin, F. (2003). Forgive for good: A proven prescription for health and happiness. San Francisco: HarperOne.
Some of my fondest memories from growing up are with my childhood dog. To this day, I still remember the times my family dog was there to support me. Being a tall individual, walking down stair cases with short ceilings proved difficult at times. Once or twice, I would hit my head very hard on a large beam down our family stairs. Of course I’d tumble down the stairs in agony as if I had just cracked my skull open. No sooner than I could check for blood (which there never was any) was our family dog Bridger there to provide me emotional support. With an expression of deep concern on his face he would nudge his nose near my face and lay there with me in my pain. This support for my brief pain was a memorable experience from my teenage years.
Flash forward a few years to now where my wife and I have our own dog Baloo. While pet ownership is not always easy, my wife and I can both attest to the emotional benefits that Baloo has brought us in our day-to-day stresses and anxiety. Our dog is always available to snuggle or just provide love when we are home, which has been a large stress reducer for our family. Whether he’s providing a sense of love and affection or making you laugh by silly behaviors, your pet is there provide you some joy.
For adults, pets have been shown to do the following:
Reduce blood pressure
Reduced heart rate
Less visits to your doctor by 30% for those older than 65.
Adults or children interacting with animals often experience higher levels of oxytocin which promotes trust, bonding, and increased love. Which in turn decreases stress.
Reduced isolation and the feelings associated with it.
Provides feelings of unconditional love and safety.
Reduced depressive symptoms
Improved health because if that pet is a dog they are going to get you out of the house.
1 month into pet ownership has been found to increase family activities together (2012).
Here is some ammunition for all those children out there begging their parents for pets. Recent research done by Tufts University found that children tend to have better coping skills in correlation to a relationship with a pet (Rajewski, 2016). The study found that pets provided children with more confidence, better peer relationships, and more stability when parents were often out of the home (Rajewski, 2016). Animal ownership was also shown to help with providing all children with emotional support which is non-judgmental (Rajewski, 2016). Animals are able to provide loving and caring support just by being there for a child or adult.
Let me provide a disclaimer here: Pet ownership is a huge commitment and should not be taken lightly. In some circumstances it can lead to increased stress, anxiety, or an additional financial expense. If you are unsure about animal ownership spend some time with the animals at a shelter or volunteer to help with a friends pet. Benefits can still be found with these animals and reduce the need for an immediate commitment.
While our pets can be supportive, they are not always able to help us overcome all adversity. For help with the complex and simple challenges of life, consider visiting a therapist. Just like your pets, therapists will not judge you and can be there to support you through life’s many changes. If you are considering therapy and are worried what it will be like, please come and see me at Wasatch family therapy. I strive to provide everyone who comes with a comfortable, safe and non-judgmental atmosphere so that those I work with can succeed. Please do not hesitate to contact me at Wasatch Family Therapy at 801-944-4555. Together, we can learn further tools to help you through your specific changes, and I will be sure to tell you some funny stories about my dog.
Nathan Watkins, AMFT
Beetz, A., Uvnäs-Moberg, K., Julius, H., & Kotrschal, K. (2012). Psychosocial and Psychophysiological Effects of Human-Animal Interactions: The Possible Role of Oxytocin. Frontiers in Psychology, 3. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2012.00234