When we hear the word “discipline”, we often think of something negative, because it usually means some form of punishment is being used. However, the word “discipline” actually means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct. So, discipline can be a negative thing if we are using a forceful or controlling approach, but it can (and should) be a positive thing if we take a more instructive approach by teaching or guiding. The most effective and respectful type of discipline is one that respects your child’s ability to make choices for their behavior within the structure and limits you establish, and allows them to experience a natural or logical consequence for the behavior they choose. Here are 7 steps to help you establish this type of discipline in your own household:More
A – Activating Situation or Event
What is happening? What happened before you got angry and what is happening now?
B – Belief System
What is the self-talk going on in your head at the moment? What are your expectations?
C – Consequence
How do you feel about the event based on your self-talk? What are the feelings you are currently experiencing? What happens to your body when you’re experiencing these feelings? Notice the surface feelings and vulnerable feelings underneath.
D – Dispute
Examine your beliefs and expectations – are some unrealistic and maybe a bit irrational? Do you have to get angry? Is there another way to look at what is happening?
E – Evidence
Notice your evidence to support thoughts and be truthful about it. Be honest with yourself.
In reality when you’re angry is it likely that you’ll really sit and analyze the situation or just react on impulse? Probably act on impulse. Other situations you might be able to sit down and analyze what is happening, but in a confrontational situation it’s a lot harder.
One important thing about anger and learning about anger management is when to take a break and really evaluate your situation. By taking a break and stepping away it will allow you to not only analyze what is happening by using this format but it might save you and someone else from saying something you might regret.
By using this format you can eventually make a decision based on principles or logic rather than acting on those intense emotions.
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