I, like many of you, spend a lot of time in my car. I always feel like I’m rushing from one thing to the next and I never have enough time for anything. As I was driving to work the other day there was a car that I ended up behind in the turning lane that didn’t increase its speed once it turned. At first, I found myself annoyed and thought “Are you kidding me? Come on, GO!!” I was looking in my side and rear-view mirrors to try to change lanes but there was a steady stream of cars in the lane next to me. I, then, realized that I didn’t need to rush, I was going to have half an hour in the office before my client’s appointment and I calmed down.
I thought to myself as I paid
more attention to the car in front of me that it was probably someone old
driving the car because I couldn’t see the driver’s head above the head rest.
When I was finally able to change lanes and go around this car, I looked over
at the driver as I passed. Sure enough, it was a little old lady, hunched over
and barely seeing over the steering wheel. A smile came to my face as I thought
of this woman who likely had slowed down in many aspects of her life, only one
of which was driving, and how I am always in such a rush. It made me wonder how
often I missed things from not paying attention and always rushing from one
thing to the next.
We live in such a fast-paced
world with so many things demanding our attention at once. I find myself
getting lost in the mundane routine that is my life as crazy and busy as it is
right now. But when I can slow down and just be present in the moment, I find
that while there are parts of my life that are mundane, there are also pretty
amazing things that happen around me and inside of me every single day. If we
are constantly chasing the next thing, we can never truly just be with
ourselves. But maybe that is part of why we don’t slow down.
Slowing down can be vulnerable.
When we allow ourselves to be still, things can surface that we’ve been avoiding.
We constantly measure ourselves by what we do and what we accomplish, so who
are we when we slow down? Maybe we aren’t enough, maybe we are too much, maybe
our emotions are too overwhelming, maybe it will be too vulnerable. Brené Brown
has dedicated her life to studying vulnerability, authenticity, and courage. It
takes courage to be still, to allow vulnerability, and to show up
authentically. She says, “authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of
who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Slowing down,
embracing who we really are, and being still with whoever we are right now can
be scary but can also be powerful.
So how are you going to
demonstrate your courage to slow down, be still, and embrace that you are
enough?
It’s a story I hear about all of the time in my personal and professional life. “My last child is going to kindergarten, or first grade. Yay!! I’m going to have so much more time for other things!” And inevitably, a month later, I hear a very different story. “I don’t quite know who I am anymore. Or what I want to do with my time.” A lot of these women have been stay at home mothers, or work part time, while they have young children. Once the children are in school, their life changes quite drastically. They have more time to focus on themselves and their own interests. While this sounds like a time of liberation, a lot of women find it to be a time of high anxiety.
For years, society has taught women that their primary, and sometimes only, role is to be a mother. Whether you subscribe to this mentality or not, it is very present in our society. Therefore, a lot of women take that role on as their only sense of self. As a mother, sometimes I find myself getting lost in child rearing. I have to remind myself that while I love being a mother and it is important to me, I can still have interests and passions outside of that realm. This realization comes to light quickly when all of your children are attending school full time. So, to all of the mothers who are sending their youngest off to kindergarten/first grade, or to the mothers of young children that need to revisit who they are I challenge you to answer the following five questions.
What do I like to do for fun?
What do I do for self care that reenergizes me?
What relationships would I like to strengthen?
Do I want to go back to work, or work more?
Other than being a mom what do I want to be known for in my life?
These questions can help guide you to some career choices, as well as just things you can do for yourself when you have the time. If you are having a difficult time defining who you are, and who you want to become in the future come into therapy. Working with women to find their inner strength is something I love to do! Good luck as your kiddos head off to school. I’ll be at Wasatch Family Therapy with lots of congratulations and the tissues.
Wasatch Family Therapy is excited to announce this school year’s social skills group. This group is opened ended allowing kids to come into the group throughout the school year. There is a six session commitment, but children can stay longer, if needed. Groups are $50 per session, due at the time of the group. Please contact us at 801-944-4555 to register for the group.
People have many reasons for why their life is so stressful. Why they can’t de-stress. Why they feel so out-of-control. Why they believe it will just never change.
While many reasons exist, my experience is that people have three key reasons why they can’t seem to de-stress their lives. Here are a few to think about.
1) My life is too complicated to change!
I’ve heard this reason or derivations of this excuse many times. Whether it’s multi-tasking a crazy schedule or simply feeling there is nothing I can change, this line of reasoning hamstrings us.
2) Life never gives me a darn break!
While this reason sounds similar to number 1, it’s actually quite different. Whether it’s a mom who is exhausted by their 3 kids or a dad trying to close that important deal to support their family, it’s exhausting. By the way, these roles can be switched and aren’t gender exclusive. The point is, we need to SEEK a break in our lives.
3) Stress keeps me young!
I’ve spoken with people who have told me that stress is “motivating” or that stress keeps me “involved in life.” And yes, even that it “keeps me young.” The latter has been spoken with a knowing chagrinned glance that it actually isn’t helping. Which actually begs the question of “how well is that working for you?” The reality is, it simply is NOT helping.
Ideas That Work!
Here are 50 wise and proven ways to de-stress your lives (Hint: The hard part is actually making the time, not in doing them!)
Read Garden Movies Hike Piano Affection Backpack New outfit Vacation Work (job) less Bucket list Friends Work out Increase Intimacy Get away Spirituality Sex Travel Education Walk Step back Make Love Change careers Re-connect Healthy Emotions Trail Run Date Flower Garden Exercise Religion Journal Volunteer Arts Ski Creativity Crafts Mountains Yoga Rock Climbing Symphony The Mighty 5 Bear Lake Sunset Opera Sunrise Thunder The Beach Work smarter Self-care Alone time Switch it up!
There are easily 50 more ideas to add to this list. However, that’s not the point, i.e., to add more stress. The critical point is that unless we make changes and do more for ourselves, we suffer. We’ll just experience more and more stress that just simply perpetuates itself. That. Makes. No. Sense!
What makes perfect sense is choosing several of the items from my list and just doing them. Hiking is amazing in the Wasatch. Watching a summer movie rocks. Journaling is helpful. Reading a book energizing!
And, I can (almost) guarantee that your stress level will drop. You will want to do more for yourself. Become fiercely loyal to it!!!
Michael Boman, LCSW has 20 years experience in helping people de-stress and reconnect. Reach out to him at 801.944.4555,
if you feel this blog has moved you to want to take back your life.
We are excited to announce that
Wasatch Family Therapy is starting up our Mad Science and social skills group
this summer! The group is starting June 11th and goes through July
30th for a total of seven groups. These groups are two hours long
and will run every Tuesday skipping the week of the 24th of
July. The group consist of an hour
science experiment with the Mad Science group leader and the therapists.
Followed by the last hour with the therapist working with the children on
various social skills involving play and our science experiment. Some of you
may be wondering is this group worth it for my child? The answer to that
question is yes! Below are some of the benefits that kids can receive from our
social skills group.
Social skills group builds self-confidence in
the group setting which then goes to all areas of your child’s life.
Allows them to make new friends and learn how to
maintain healthy friendships going forward.
Develop new problem solving skills for school
and home settings.
Ability to cope with changes that may occur in
their day-to-day life.
A better understanding of their own emotions and
then how to connect with peers through empathy.
Play is a child’s primary language which means
we will be doing a lot of it during the group!
Group play can support emotional healing and
growth.
Improves independence and creative thinking.
Allows a safe place to make decisions and learn
to accept and understand their responsibility for these.
We look forward to this group every year as we see each of the children make great leaps forward in their abilities. If you or anyone you know is interested in our social skills group reach out to us at 801-944-4555 to sign up now!
Soft music playing the background. A chilled bottle of Sparkling juice and a wine glass are set out ever so carefully. Grey sweatpants. Favorite t-shirt. It may sound like the makings of a great date, but it is the usual scene for my favorite form of self-care called Kitchen Therapy. Having grown up in the South, food was often at the center of family gatherings and hold many important memories. A few years ago, I discovered the power of cooking and baking while working with adults in a residential treatment program for substance abuse. As they followed a simple recipe for a cake, I observed noticeable changes in their moods and overall attitudes. I decided to try it in my own life, and I noticed the same impact.
Kitchen therapy does not have to be fancy, and it can range from simple cookies to well decorated cakes. Many people are aware of the concept of emotional eating, but emotional baking may be a healthier way to process difficult feelings, especially when coupled with the service of giving baked goods to those who may also be struggling. There is something satisfying about seeing a cake come together and having the smell fill the house. For me, baking cakes remind me of all of the strong women in my life whose influence have shaped the man that I’ve become. Baking a red velvet cake, for example, connects me to my paternal great-grandmother, whose recipe has been down through three generations. My godmother’s Italian Cream Cake reminds of me summer afternoons sitting in her kitchen hoping to be able to lick the mixing bowl when she was done preparing the batter. My mother’s chocolate cake is the way that I connect to home when I am homesick.
One of the benefits of Kitchen Therapy is that it provides us with an opportunity to be productive and creative and step away from the craziness of our lives. So, I’ve decided to share one of my favorite recipes just in time for Spring—Key Lime Cupcakes! Enjoy!
Key Lime Cupcakes
CUPCAKES:
One 3-ounce package lime flavored gelatin
1 1/3 cups granulated sugar
2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
3/4 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
5 large eggs, lightly beaten
GLAZE:
1/2 cup key lime juice (from about 25 small key limes or 4 large regular limes)
1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
ICING:
1/2 cup (1 stick butter), room temperature
One 8-ounce package cream cheese, room temperature
One 1-pound box confectioners’ sugar
INSTRUCTIONS:
For the cupcakes: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and line muffin pan with paper liners.
In a large mixing bowl, mix the gelatin, granulated sugar, flour, salt, baking powder and baking soda. Stir to mix well. Add the oil, orange juice, lemon juice, vanilla, and eggs. Mix until well combined. Fill the liners ¾ full and bake for 18-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool the cupcakes in the pan for 5 minutes then sit on cooling racks to cool. The mix will yield about 36 cupcakes.
For the glaze: While the cupcakes are still hot, mix the lime juice and confectioners’ sugar together well. Pierce the cupcakes with a toothpick to allow the glaze to soak in better and pour it over the cupcakes while still in the pan. Allow cupcakes to cool completely as you prepare the icing.
For the icing: Cream the butter and cream cheese. Beat in the confectioners’ sugar until mixture is smooth and easy to spread. For the teal color, use a combination of neon green and blue at the ratio of 50 drops of green to 4 drops of blue. Fill piping bag with icing and pipe on each cupcake. Top with golden gum ball.
So often in relationships, we are aware of the other person’s needs and work to fulfill them. While this is a wonderful trait, it can lead to burnout if we chronically neglect ourselves. Here are some self-care tips that actually help strengthen our relationships with others:
Parents, starting next week we have a Tween group for kids ages 11 – 13. This group will promote healthy relationships and communication between adults and peers as they prepare to enter Jr. High and Middle School. The group will use expressive arts and group activities that help the children to engaged in skills that they will use for the rest of their life.
“Today on Fresh Living Clair Mellenthin, a therapist at Wasatch Family Therapy, sat down with Brooke with some coping skills anyone can use to help deal with anxiety. About Clair Mellenthin: Clair Mellenthin, LCSW, RPT-S is a sought after speaker, author, and trainer.” – KUTV 2News
Your Inner-Child Called, She Wants her Creativity Back: How to Reclaim the Healing Power of Artistic Self-expression
Creativity is universal and can contribute to our sense of well-being. In fact, expressive visual art activities can decrease feelings of sadness, increase positive emotions, and reduce stress. Young children seem to know this, as they quite naturally grab whatever is available to scribble, cut, or sculpt. However, adults are oftenmuch more constrained, sometimes even paralyzed, as they approach creative self-expression. If we polled a kindergarten classroom, I expect the kids would mostly agree: adults are missing out. Pablo Picasso said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” Here are a few suggestions to help adults reclaim the healing power of spontaneous artistic expression:
Create for You (and you alone!)
Around second grade, most of us begin to question our artistic abilities. Likely because at this point in child development, we begin to focus more on winning approval from others. It is this developmental change that likely contributes to the shift of focus from creative process to artistic product. “My picture isn’t as good as hers.” If adults are to rediscover spontaneous creativity, we must throw comparisons out the window, and choose to create art for ourselves – not for the satisfaction or approval of others.
Get Lost in the Experience
Young children often appear to tune out all surrounding noises and distractions when they are deeply engaged in artwork. Adults can rediscover this sort of absorbed focus if we practice and make time to turn off the television or put our cell phones on silent-mode. If we are fully present in the moment, it’s more likely we can access and express deep emotions during the creative process.
Be Willing to Make a Mess
Sometimes life is confusing, chaotic or ugly, and it’s helpful to have a way to work out or process those uncomfortable feelings. If we adults give ourselves permission to create chaotic or messy artwork, then we can begin to confront and explore the jumble of emotions hidden beneath the clutter of our lives.
When we make something new, we tend to feel more alive. So, what’s stopping you: “Go, get your creativity on!”
Your Inner-Child Called, She Wants her Creativity Back: How to Reclaim the Healing Power of Artistic Self-expression