I recently had the opportunity to sit down with my friends at “Good Things Utah” and answer some viewer questions that dealt with balancing a woman’s marriage with her motherhood responsibilities. Here are some questions (and my responses to them):
Q:“We have three young kids and my husband seems jealous and resentful of me being a mother. He says he feels he isn’t getting enough love or attention. But I have to keep 3 little humans alive. I try to connect after bedtime, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for him. Help!”
A: I understand that this woman is feeling frustrated, but I want to encourage her to understand that this is her husband expressing his needs, and that is a wonderful thing! Often, men don’t fully understand their attachment needs, so for him to acknowledge them and then to communicate them is something to celebrate! I encourage her to say something to him like, “Honey, I want you to feel how much I love you. What can I do to help you know how much you are valued?” Simply ask him what it is he needs from her.
Q: “My husband could have sex every single day. And we do have sex an average of 4 times a week. Sometimes more. He gets upset when I “reject him” but come on! Every day? How can we reconcile and reach a happy medium?”
A: This is a very common situation, and it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. In fact, I’ve never worked with a couple who had completely matching sex drives! There’s always going to be one person who has more desire than the other person. The low desire individual is the gatekeeper of the sexual relationship, and the two of you can work together to communicate your sexual desires, expectations, and limits.
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