Every significant relationship has times of disagreement and disconnection. Differences are a sign that your relationship is healthy and that both people feel free to bring their authentic selves. However, how you express those differences can either bring you closer together or create distance.
3 Tips for “fighting fair”:
Make observations, not judgment
Making observations without judgment allows for you to address a problem without your significant other feeling defensive. Try: “I see that you are upset, is there something I can do to help?’ Instead of: “You have no reason to be upset.”
Use “I Feel” Statements
When you use “I feel” statements it promotes effective communication and conflict resolution. By using “I” statements it shifts the blame from the other person and instead shows the issue from your perspective. Some statements that you could use include: “The way I see it..”, “I need to…”, “I would like it…”, or “I feel hurt when.”
Being specific narrows the scope as to what the problem at hand is. Being broad allows for generalizations and may lead to arguments other than the one at hand. When confronting your significant other include how your specifically feeling, or what they specifically did to upset you.
For more information or to schedule an appointment visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.