Do you ever find understanding your husband somewhat like predicting the current political climate? Explaining the presidential election to your son or daughter? If so, you’re not alone. Many women find their husband baffling, if not outright mysterious. If this describes your current feelings, here are seven secrets that can really help you understand him more deeply.
#1) He Really Does Love It When You Notice Him
Really notice him. How he looks. How handsome he is. How much he means to you. How cute he is in those nice fitting jeans. Although he won’t tell you this, he totally loves it when you show him attention. Men want to believe they’re handsome and desirable. Desirable as your very awesome husband. Help him believe that by noticing him often.
#2) It Really Is NOT All About Sex
Although his actions may seem to tell you otherwise, he doesn’t have sex on his mind 24/7. Just as women aren’t emotionally focused constantly (stereotype!), men aren’t sexually focused every moment as well. In fact, men crave affection almost as much as women do. Men in Salt Lake City love to be hugged. Kissed. Held. And! Men love to cuddle closely with “no strings attached” in bed. Truly! He isn’t always hoping that cuddling will lead to making love either. Ask him. But ready to be surprised by his answer.
#3) He’s Like A Teen Girl Emotionally Inside!
Men are awash with emotions inside. Quite similar to a 16 year old girl. I’m not kidding. He’s really an absolute mess at times inside. Since men are raised to not share emotions and feelings, keeping them inside makes complete sense to him. To share them would appear “weak” he fears. When it seems like something isn’t bothering him, know that it very likely is. You’ll find this exasperating but know it’s the truth. What can you do? Check out the next savvy secret.
#4) He Does Want To Talk To You
He absolutely wants to talk to you. Often. Openly. Connectively. But! He is just absolutely clueless on how to approach you. Since you have demanded that he talk to you about feelings in the past with no success, toss that approach out with the trash. It won’t work. You need to make talking conversationally safe for him. It’s safe when you’re not demanding. It’s safe when it is on his terms. His terms may be after the University of Utah’s football game. His terms may include the morning after a great night of romance. Friday night NOT Monday morning. Do some relationship research here. Actually risk and ask him.
#5) He Really Does Crave Compliments From You
Compliments are actually different from noticing him mentioned in #1 above. Compliments include telling him how awesome he is for doing the dishes (another way of saying it is just saying “nice” things to him). For actually remembering to take out the garbage on trash day. Bringing home the paycheck as a wonderful provider is just one example. There are many more. And, please don’t get stuck on the “why can’t he compliment me more” mantra. His brain is wired to relish your verbally praising him. It’s not weak. It’s not wimpy. It’s not unmanly. It’s a relationship secret that can pay you huge dividends in your marriage. Want a better husband? Compliment him! Compliments = LOVE to many men.
#6) He Knows Its Not Nagging
You know what I mean ladies. When you’ve asked him 100 times to clean up after himself. Lift the seat. Put away his shoes. Clean up his crumbs left on table after an impromptu snack. He goes to the “stop nagging me” mantra because he knows you’re right. He absolutely knows your right. He just doesn’t have the vocabulary to battle back with your superior brain. So true!!!
#7) He Thinks About You!
Often. Throughout the day. In the morning on the way to the office. During the work day and at lunch. Even on his way home from a long day at work. Husbands often get so busy that they can’t text or call you. Or break away to have lunch with you even though he would love to do so. But! Know that you’re on his mind. Sometimes its about his family. Or about this Friday’s date with you. Just know that he’s working for you. Thinking of you. Desiring to be with you.
One More thought on 7 Secrets
If one of these 7 secrets has hit home with you, why not act on it? If you’ve struggled with complimenting him, tell him how awesome he is today. If you’ve believed that he doesn’t want to talk to you, pick the right moment this weekend and chat him up. Seriously! Just do it. Be willing to reach out to him. Truly risk. You’re marriage is worth it. And so are you!!!
Michael Boman, LCSW is a therapist for Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City. He specializes in helping couples improve their marriage connection and communicaiton. He is accepting new clients. He can be reached by emailing Info@wasatchfamilytherapy.com