I recently began reading a book by one of my favorite clinical Psychologists, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) founder, Dr. Sue Johnson. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love will give you greater insight into the defining principles of your relationship togetherness and can help you create an even deeper bond. In this book, Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy with the belief that motivated couples may be able to solve their own problems within their relationships once they understand the basic principles. The premise of Hold Me Tight is surprisingly simple: stop worrying about your past, or what you feel that your partner is lacking. Johnson states that the trick to a long lasting, healthy, committed relationship starts with understanding that codependency is a good thing, similarly to how a child relies on a parent for love and nurturing. Be open to your loved one’s needs, and you’ll reconnect naturally and lovingly. Hold Me Tight walks you through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond.
Seven Transforming Conversations:
Conversation #1. Recognizing Demon Dialogues: In this first conversation, couples identify negative and destructive remarks in order to get to the root of the problem and figure out what each other is really trying to say.
Conversation #2. Finding the Raw Spots: Here, each partner learns to look beyond immediate, impulsive reactions to figure out what raw spots are being hit.
Conversation #3. Revisiting a Rocky Moment: This conversation provides a platform for de-escalating conflict and repairing rifts in a relationship and building emotional safety.
Conversation #4. Hold Me Tight: The heart of the program: this conversation moves partners into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged with each other.
Conversation #5. Forgiving Injuries: Injuries may be forgiven but they never disappear. Instead, they need to become integrated into couples’ conversations as demonstrations of renewal and connection. Knowing how to find and offer forgiveness empowers couples to strengthen their bond.
Conversation #6. Bonding Through Sex and Touch: Here, couples find how emotional connection creates great sex, and good sex creates deeper emotional connection.
Conversation #7. Keeping Your Love Alive: This last conversation is built on the understanding that love is a continual process of losing and finding emotional connection; it asks couples to be deliberate and mindful about maintaining connection.
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love can help reconnect you to any relationship that you are piece of. Parts of the conversations require a lot of vulnerability and may be very scary at first, but the reward is well worth it. It will take time, courage, and bit of hope, but by talking about deeper emotions; your relationship will come out stronger.
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